Reddit Is Raking This Dad Over the Coals for Wanting a Separate Christmas With His Trans Daughter

by ALYSSA K. DAVIS

While the holidays are the most joyous time of the year for many people, for others, it can be the most miserable — especially those with ignorant, bigoted families. One young transgender girl is trying to get this through her dad’s head, and while she didn’t have resounding success on her own, Reddit fully has her back.

The girl’s father took to Reddit to explain his predicament, which is really just a long-winded tale of ignorance on his part. He begins by explaining, “My daughter and I have had our fair share of difficulties. We get along better now, but since I don’t see her as often as I’d like to, the times when we do see each other [are] important. She usually celebrates Christmas with my family since her mom is an agnostic Jew, and it’s an important time for us.”

The dad continues, “My daughter was previously my son and came out as transgender to me two years ago. I honestly blame the last Christmas she spent with my family for her telling her mother so long before me. I think she has been uncomfortable with my family and missed the past few years because my family reacted badly about her coming out as being attracted to men (she doesn’t want to be called gay now, as in she sees herself as a straight girl) the last Christmas she celebrated with us.”

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Reddit is getting frosty with one dad who wants to ‘cancel’ Christmas because of his misbehaving daughter. https://t.co/72Q7vPh7OI

— SheKnows (@SheKnows) December 12, 2022

Okay, so we don’t love the whole “she sees herself as a straight girl” phrasing. She IS a straight girl. It’s so damaging to the trans community to deny individuals of their identity. They aren’t living out some fantasy about seeing themselves a certain way; they innately ARE the person they identify with internally, even if their physical form doesn’t “match.”

“It was my mistake for telling them at all, but I didn’t know how to cope with it at the time,” the dad writes. “They were saying some things to her which weren’t right especially since she was really just a kid, and she reacted by crying and literally running out which just escalated everything. At first I was excited to have her agree to Christmas with my family again, but now I’m realizing what happened is going to be that but much worse. I don’t want to see my daughter crying again and I want to improve our relationship.”

The solution seems so obvious: If he knows his family is going to continue to be transphobic and homophobic, he should a. spend the holiday with his daughter regardless, and b. educate his family on their bigotry, and c. if they aren’t willing to learn and grow, he needs to make it clear that his daughter is his main priority, and he will always support her and her true identity, even if that means he has to write them off — because that’s what good parents do for their children.

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One Reddit man is setting boundaries with his sister and her picky teens. https://t.co/eo1T9wrRdi

— SheKnows (@SheKnows) December 6, 2022

Well, spoiler alert, that’s the exact opposite of what this guy is doing. He writes, “My solution seems to be causing more issues. I was thinking I could celebrate Christmas with my family without her and then do a separate Christmas celebration with her. Edit: I even told her she could bring her boyfriend, something she would not be able to do if she went to my family’s Christmas.”

So not only is he not going to spend Christmas with his kid in favor of his bigoted family, but he also wants a pat on the back for “allowing” her to bring her boyfriend along to their rescheduled celebration, which is a wildly ignorant hetero glorification. But wait — it gets worse.

“The issue is,” he continues, “the only other days around that time that I’m free, I’m doing Christmas with my fiancée’s family, and then me and the guys (been friends since high school) have this tradition that I can’t skip.” The bros are, like, supes important because they have a high school tradition that can’t be skipped in favor of celebrating the holiday with his child, obviously. Oh, and don’t forget his fiancé either, she also takes precedence over his daughter. But keep waiting — because it gets even worse!

Dad of the Year reveals, “My fiancé is also struggling to be accepting, so I can’t bring my daughter to her family’s Christmas either.” Someone throw a trophy at the man’s head! “My daughter was upset because I had talked about how great our Christmas was going to be since we hadn’t seen each other in a while. I said that we’re still going to have a great Christmas and honestly a better one without my family,” he writes.

“She says she doesn’t care about not being able to celebrate with my family, she says that she wanted to celebrate with me, and I told her she still will. She started saying that she’s always the lowest priority in my life and that she doesn’t want to try to have a relationship with me anymore,” he continues in surprise while we all stare at our screens in rage.

If you weren’t seething before, hold on to your pants — the ignoramus somehow has the audacity to write, “For any other dads out there, I’m pretty sure you can understand why I’m writing here. That sh*t hurt. But there’s nothing else I can really do, so would I be the a-hole? I thought she was just being sensitive but typically when your kid is being sensitive, it’s still important. I know that from experience.”

LOL — guys, he ~knows~ things from experience. Obviously he doesn’t know nearly enough. His head is so far up his a— that we can’t believe he hasn’t choked himself out yet, but no worries — Reddit is here to finish the job.

One user called him out with the swiftness, writing, “Buddy, your daughter has told you that she’s the lowest priority in your life because … you’ve shown her that. That sh*t hurts? That’s because it’s true. And you know it. YTA. Ask your daughter what she needs from you, and DO IT, if you want this to be right. You are HER FATHER. Act like it.”

Another Redditor mocked OP’s ignorance: “I can’t celebrate with my daughter because my family, my fiancée, my fiancée’s family, and my friends all come before her. I have no idea why she thinks she’s not my priority!”

Questioning the dad’s insistence that there’s “nothing” else he can do, another user commented, “Why not skip both the family Christmas and the fiancé Christmas citing unless they accept your daughter, this will be the norm going forward, and spend both days with your daughter? Make it really special?”

They continue, “You say there is nothing you can do, but that isn’t really the case, you could fight for her. No one is going to say anything to her if they know she has you backing her. Bullying a kid isn’t nearly as fun when there are repercussions! You don’t want to lose your daughter? Stand up for her.” Calling him out further, they wrote, “And why are you engaged to someone who doesn’t accept your daughter? What is wrong with you? With all due respect, get your head out of your a—! YTA!”

A trans user took to the comments to explain the correct way to navigate the situation, writing, “I came out as trans to my parents last year. And you know what they did? They educated themselves. And they don’t let the rest of the family talk sh*t about me. Because they love me. You need to make your daughter your priority. Not your transphobic family, or your fiancée’s transphobic family, or even your fiancée. Your daughter. Because if you don’t. She WILL cut you out. Trust me.”

Another Redditor called out the dad’s unbelievable audacity, commenting, “OP literally listed out that his homophobic family, his homophobic fiancé, and his buddies are all more important than his daughter… And he is the one who’s hurt?”

Regardless of how this situation plays out, one thing is certain — this Christmas will be a life-changing holiday for OP and his daughter … either for the better or worse.