GUTFELD: Colleges are brain-free zones

GUTFELD: Colleges are brain-free zones

Posted For: Bubbles Brazelton

By Greg Gutfeld


Happy Friday, everybody. I’m wearing glasses because I have a sty. Thought I’d get that out of the way.

All right, so here’s this stupid, infuriating, idiotic story, which can only mean it bubbled up from academia. It happened at the University of Pittsburgh’s Cathedral of Learning, where a female student was allegedly sexually assaulted during school hours.

Now, that’s bad enough, but it gets worse. Students, understandably horrified, demanded increased security on campus. And one anonymous student created a petition that garnered 6000 signatures asking for more security cameras and more stringent ID access passes.

The university quickly responded with an email from the Vice Chancellor of Public Safety and Emergency Management. Remember the old rule? The longer the title, the less they actually do. In the email, the VC promised they would be taking additional actions, and that would include increasing patrols and security shifts, meaning more cops.

Can you guess what happened next? Hint it always happens when common sense runs headfirst into the witless woke. Stupid, destructive outrage. See, the woke are like that drunken moron speeding southbound down a northbound highway, eventually causing destruction of someone else who was doing the right thing.

And so a backlash came from students who claimed the increasing police presence would threaten the safety of students of color. As opposed to, you know, wanna be rapists. You know, I didn’t realize Pit was a school for the mentally challenged. What did these students have to do to get admitted? Sketch a turtle or a pirate? I tried that.

So after a sexual assault, some students were more concerned over the presence of police than the presence of a rapist. Of course, this is what happens when the media distorts the odds of police shootings. College kids prefer rapists. Classrooms aren’t safe during school, and cops are as popular as a fart in a hot tub. And I know that, done a lot of research in that area.

Which reminds us college campuses are not just gun free zones, they’re also brain free zones. So here you got a microcosm of what you’re seeing now in every city. Microcosm means a small sample of a bigger problem like Joy Behar’s small toe. That’s pretty good. Yes. Could use a laugh. She never fails.

With crime out of control and with so many female victims. Where are the feminists? Why are they so afraid of calling out repeat thugs who viciously brutalize women? Even when attackers are arrested, they’re let free immediately and their only punishment is that they’re late for their next attack.

Here’s the reason — the female victim is now secondary to the mantra of systemic racism. For a long time, it’s been a dogfight for first place on top of the victim totem pole. But sorry, gals. Being considered racially oppressed is the equivalent of drawing a royal flush in poker. No other hand can trump it.

So if you’re in the wrong group, you can’t be a victim even when you’re a victim. And if you complain, of course, you must be racist. In the world of social justice, violent felons can be busted and released without bail in hours because society did it to him and after each senseless attack, as always, the perp’s lengthy rap sheet is longer than a receipt from Walgreens.

Don’t dare add any more police because that will hurt feelings. So they can have a safe space from alternate ideas, but not rapists. Using their logic, if you’re at an ATM late at night, you’re better off if the guy behind you is wearing a ski mask than a cop’s hat.

Fact is crime is out of control because any attempt to reduce it is seen as racist. It’s a new hierarchy. No more good over evil. But racial justice over actual justice. So after this moronic backlash, the person who launched the petition deleted it and then apologized like a fool. Quote, “The fact that it seems like more campus cops are being added because of something I did makes me a monster. And I know that.”

Now in a normal world, meaning a world without progressives, these very exact words would be coming out of the suspect’s mouth. So I’ll repeat the words. “The fact that it seems like more campus cops are being added because of something I did makes me a monster. And I know that.” The 18-year-old then adds, “I don’t think I’ll come back to campus Monday. I’m considering academic leave or transferring to another school, if that’s possible.” Well, how about preschool? This poor thing needs another chance to grow up.


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