I Thought My Boyfriend Had a Secret Folder for Photos of Naked Women. What I Found Was Much Weirder.

I Thought My Boyfriend Had a Secret Folder for Photos of Naked Women. What I Found Was Much Weirder.

BY JESSICA STOYA

My boyfriend was recently showing me a folder on his phone full of pictures of me and accidentally showed me another folder with pictures of other women. He was really upset and apologetic. And although seeing his spank bank doesn’t make me feel good, I assured him that he hadn’t done anything wrong. I do really believe he hasn’t done anything wrong. The problem is that seeing the folder has made me lose sexual interest in him.

We have had a great sex life up until now, and I’m really upset that seeing this folder is having an impact on me. I feel that it shouldn’t be a big deal and shouldn’t bother me. I know it’s something lots of men do. But there are two aspects that keep coming up when I think about it. The first is that the pictures I did see were of women who looked very different from me. And that makes me think that physically he desires something else, but he is with me because of our emotional connection. The second is what these pictures actually were.

They weren’t pornographic. (I have no discomfort about him watching porn. We do it together, and I know he does it alone as well.) But these pictures of women from social media and other sources are just regular pictures where the focus is on their faces. He says when he finds something attractive about someone’s face, he uses these images to get turned on before masturbating. For me, the thought of him gazing into someone else’s warm, smiling face to get a boner is disturbing. I suppose it just feels like something you do with a lover, not something you do when you’re just trying to rub one out. I should mention these are not women either of us knows.

I’m trying not to be hard on myself, but I’m starting to feel really terrible about myself and the relationship. And I can’t seem to figure out how to reframe this. He’s a great partner and I don’t want to feel this loss of affection and sexual interest.

-Two-bagger

https://slate.com/human-interest/2022/09/hidden-photos-boyfriend-sex-advice.html

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