Help! My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Farting Around Me.

ADVICE BY JENÉE DESMOND-HARRIS

I’m at the end of my rope in regards to my husband and his selfishness. He’s lactose intolerant, like officially diagnosed by a doctor as being allergic to dairy, yet he’s still eating ice cream to the tune of a couple of gallons a week. This has my man farting non-stop and I mean loud, smelly farts.

I cannot begin to tell you how embarrassing this is. We were at Target yesterday and he was carpet-bombing the entire store. It’s so bad I don’t want to go out in public with him anymore. I’ve begged him to not eat ice cream if we are going out. He tells me farting is natural and I should just get over it and he won’t switch to lactose free ice cream because “it’s not as good.”

I’m at the point I want to tell him to choose between ice cream and me. Help me figure this out so I don’t want to murder my husband.

Signed, The Non-Gassy Spouse