I found my late husband’s box of diaries a few months after his passing. He kept a meticulous record of our children’s growing up and various family activities, which are now a treasured memory. I was shocked and dismayed, however, to discover he also wrote of his yearning for his past girlfriend whom he dated when he was in his late teens. Every now and then his entry includes his feelings for her. He wrote that he was devastated to learn of her marriage, and how he fantasized that he was with her while making love to me. When I had our first child he wondered what his baby would look like if he had one with his ex. The ex-girlfriend is someone I know through mutual friends, and she lives in another country. I am certain they did not have any contact. But now I feel like my memories of my husband are tainted, and I am heartbroken as though he cheated on me. I also wonder what I should do with these diaries, which contain great love for our kids and description of the normal family things we did together — and also evidence of his affection for another woman. I thought we had a good marriage but now as a 30-year-old widow I guess we didn’t.
-Late Husband’s Diary