Dear Miss Manners: Am I My Father’s Keeper

Dear Miss Manners; Am I My Father’s Keeper

By Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin

Potential Sibling Comes Forward

DEAR MISS MANNERS:   A few months ago, I was contacted through social media by a person looking for information about my father. I inquired as to what their interest in him was, and was informed that they believed he was their father, as well.

They indicated that my father and their mother had dated when he was stationed near her, and that my father was aware of her being pregnant before he returned home.

I was certainly taken by surprise and, before going any further, requested that a DNA test be done to determine paternity. They have not done so, citing privacy concerns about submitting DNA. I am so upset — with the ability to determine paternity with almost 100% certainty, no one should be making such assertions without being willing to verify the same.

I don’t know how best to handle this situation. I have lost much sleep and suffered with incredible anxiety after this revelation.

My father and mother both passed away long ago, and there is no one left in his or my immediate family who can confirm that this is true. I don’t feel I have any obligation to help without DNA, but I would like your thoughts on this matter.

 

GENTLE READER:   If Miss Manners were to tell you that the DNA test is largely irrelevant, Gentle Readers would say she was being absurd.

But indeed, the DNA test is largely irrelevant to your real problem: the implied accusation against your father. To that, she notes that it was a long time ago, and you can treasure his memory even if he was not perfect.

While you have no obligation to help your potential half-sibling determine the truth, it would be a kindness to someone who is also struggling with a troubling gap in knowledge of the past.

 

Source:  UExpress

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