Please help me, I’m destroying myself and my marriage from inside and I don’t know why or how to stop it. I don’t care that my wife has had more sexual partners than me, what pains me is a particular month in history before she even met me. Many years ago now she got pregnant, due to a lost condom inside her, with a man who was cheating on her. After this she also proceeded to have sex with two other men including a friend with benefits and a man who then became her boyfriend. After becoming pregnant, she ultimately decided to have an abortion. I just cannot understand why she didn’t take the morning after pill, after what must have been a scary incident, then proceeded to sleep with another two men. I know the exact month and year when the pregnancy occurred and the place where it happened. Whenever I see or hear references to that year and that particular place it tears me apart.
Why? I think about the events of that month at least every few weeks, despite now knowing for nine years, shortly after we met. I have subsequently married her and we now have two beautiful children together. Despite my ridiculous obsession I deeply love her and indeed respect her, I just cannot get over that one particular month and her behaviour, which to me seems totally out of character. My wife is truly a sensible and clever lady. I told her of my latest episode a few days ago and she told me that she thought we were over it. To tell the truth I don’t know if I will ever get over it but desperately want to. I know it’s totally irrational and her past is her past yet it still frequently destroys me and eats away at me. Please help me before I destroy my marriage from within.
-Husband In Doubt