– F*cking Adopt Hank Already – F*cking Adopt Hank Already

pet adoption ad has received viral attention after a dog’s foster mother made a website filled with expletives to help find him a suitable forever home.

The tongue-in-cheek page Please Adopt Hank was created by Christine Clauder on July 2 in a bid to find the right person to adopt the dog she describes as a “hellion.”

The ad reads:

While we were parked outside the Red Bull factory, Hank flew into our passenger side and immediately helped himself to our stash of road trip snacks like a teenager raiding the fridge after school. He’s 54 pounds of pure, unadulterated, kinetic energy with eyes like the ocean.

Unfortunately, that ocean also sank the Titanic.

Listen — I’m not going to split hairs.

Trying to get this dog adopted has been like trying to find a Tickle-Me-Elmo during Christmas ’96. His foster mom has several other critters which are tiny. After experiencing his always-on personality, they’re JUST NOT HERE FOR IT. We’re all tired of Hank. Not because we don’t love him, we’re just TIRED. It’s like he drank ALL OF OUR COFFEE.

He needs a loving, active home with someone willing to train him. Maybe you’re into CrossFit. That kind of high energy personality is just the right kind of person that Hank would LOVE to be around.

He has so much energy, Governor Abbott called us to see if he could plug the Texas power grid into him.

No Balls

I chopped his balls off because nobody needs to be subjected to any of his hellspawn.

Kind of Trained

He knows basic commands such as “sit,” “down,” “shake,” and “why are you so fucking mental, stop chewing on that and get in your f*cking kennel.”

Fancy AF

They say eyes are the window to the soul but is it the same when there’s no soul? Kidding. Or am I?

Loyal AF

This asshole likes to keep you company, no matter what you’re doing.

Cooking? He’ll f*cking stand in between your legs and trip you up while you’re holding knives.



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