My husband likes to give and receive enemas during sex. I was very inexperienced sexually when we met in our early 20s and very much in love. He introduced me to enemas, and I went along at first and almost enjoyed the novelty. But in time, it started to feel less appealing. After we had kids, there was less opportunity for this sort of thing, and I eventually realized I didn’t like anal play. The enemas began to feel physically and psychologically violating. He introduced anal plugs as an alternative, but I still felt violated and frightened whenever he put one in me. I went to a sex counselor who told me I had the right to say no. My husband began pursuing his anal interests alone. Now we’re both 68. My sexual drive has waned, but his has not. I don’t want to give up on the experience of PIV intercourse, but he doesn’t seem to understand that at this stage of life, sex for me is more about closeness and feeling loved and being held than about intense sexual pleasure. He is disappointed that I am not receptive to his need for anal stimulation. I have told him he is free to find people online who will do this, or if it is so important to him to have a partner who does this, we can separate. He would prefer that I be more accommodating.
Absolutely No Anal Love