Your Racist Lawnmowing Has Got to Stop!!


Insanity Wrap needs to know: Is there anything that isn’t racist?

Answer: Certainly not you, racist.

Before we get to the sordid details, a quick preview of today’s Wrap.

  • Dogs, lawns, Beethoven… all racist.
  • Steelers center Maurkice Pouncey has your Daily Dose of Sanity.
  • Protesting, Chicken Dance-style.

And so much more.

Shall we begin?

This Is Not a Sane World, Exhibit #1,000,006

Why White People Owning Dogs is Racist

This one is actually from last month, but it just came to our attention today, and according to noxious white person “Cayde,” if you’re white and own a dog, that’s racist.

To be fair, you’re probably racist if you’re white and don’t own a dog.

Shortly after the Eurasian people worked so hard to train and bond with wolves, most of them were shipped off and given to Europeans.

These filthy white savages took the work and credit from the Eurasian people and branded these magnificent creatures as their own.

The need for white people to claim premade or pre-discovered things is not isolated to just this incident. Countless times in history, whites have been caught stealing the work and talent of POC for their own success.

Insanity Wrap has no idea where any of Cayde’s “history” came from, but we do wish he’d put it back.

For what it’s worth Cayde’s bio says he “spends his time creating and disseminating educational materials for local schools that help kids understand why protecting animals and LGBTQIA+ rights is so important.”

Cayde is educating children.

Exit Question: If owning and/or not owning a dog while white makes you racist, is there literally anything left that doesn’t make you racist?

UPDATE: It has come to our attention that United Wildlife Union is almost certainly a satire site, to which we can say only: Bravo!

Insanity Wrap doesn’t often get taken in, so when we do we always have the same two reactions. The first of course is an apology to our readers, and the second is a hearty congratulations to the pranksters.

Well done, sirs and/or madams.

As you’ll see in this next item from our friend Adam Ford at Not The Bee, no.

Mowing the Lawn Is Racist, Too

Is it time to decolonize your lawn?

We wish we were making this up, but alas:

The traditional lawn – manicured, verdant, under control – now finds itself at the confluence of two hot-button issues: climate change and Indigenous rights. Some environmentalists, First Nations leaders and even hobby gardeners are calling for a different approach to how we view and treat the ubiquitous urban green space. It is, they argue, a lasting symbol of how settlers appropriated Indigenous land and culture. And the rigid Western ideal we have imposed continues to hurt the planet and, in turn, all of us

Insanity Wrap fears we’re only days away from finding something like this on Twitter:

Trump is RACIST. The White House is WHITE. He speaks on the White House LAWN. WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!

The correct response to all of this nonsense is a hearty, “Get off my lawn!”

The line is best delivered loudly and while brandishing a shotgun, but Insanity Wrap is certain you knew that already.

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