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Congress Announces Willingness To Offer Black Lives Matter Protesters Holiday Or Statue

El Cebolla

WASHINGTON—Emphasizing the importance of taking concrete steps to address systemic racism and police brutality in the United States, Congress reportedly announced Monday their willingness to offer Black Lives Matter protesters a holiday or statue. “We have seen people around this nation calling for dramatic change, and I can assure you that we intend to meet this moment with the support it deserves—a nice memorial, say, or perhaps a national day of remembrance that individual states can decide to declare an official day off work if they want,” said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), echoing a bipartisan group of representatives that if these solutions were not acceptable to leaders of the Black Lives Matter movement, Congress was also willing to consider painting a mural. “Whether it’s one fairly prominent statue of a black person and white person holding hands in D.C. or several smaller ones in cities nationwide, we in Congress are committed to acknowledging the validity and importance of the Black Lives Matter movement. We will make sure that your voices are heard in small script on the bottom of federal calendars or in a bronze statue in some D.C. park.” At press time, Congress announced that it was also open to sending all Black Lives Matter movement leaders cupcakes.

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