WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a recent interview with a female representative of the segment of the human species identifying as female, Biden made a strong case for why all women everywhere should vote for him without question, or at least let him sniff their hair.
“Look, the thing, you know what it is,” Biden said. “The womenfolk know what’s at stake in this election. It’s hairy simple. Just let me vote on you, or you vote for me, the vote, b-b-b-blond applesauce baloney. Simple choice. If you don’t let me smell your hair, you ain’t a woman!” Biden then sat back in his chair with a smile, having “totally nailed” another interview.
The female interviewer blinked a couple of times and followed up with some clarifying questions. “Mr. Vice President Biden, sir, if I may follow up on that, did you just say that if a woman doesn’t let you stick your nose in her hair then she’s not a real woman?”
“I b-didn’t think I could possibly be more not clear!” Biden said with a perplexed look on his face. “If you don’t let me personally walk up behind you unannounced and bury my shnozzola deep within your flowing locks of cascading curly hair, YOU AIN’T A REAL WOMAN! NO MALARKEY!”
Witnesses then walked in on Biden conversing with a Cabbage Patch doll who he mistook for a female interviewer. After hearing the news, feminists around the country responded by lining up outside Biden’s house to get a complimentary hair sniff, thereby affirming their statuses as real women.