Washington DC – Aug 27, 2019 – U.S. Senator and failed Presidential candidate, and subpar Polish socialist Bernie Sanders announced a challenge to President Trump to a “knock down drag out, fight to the finish” in a Baltimore MD arena in September.
Sanders, 78 had crews of media taping his first day of grueling body building and strength & endurance training, for 15 minutes Tuesday. Sanders hit the speed bag, swung a jump rope, spoke with some dumb bells, ran in place, and lifted 12 ounce water bottles which held a mixture of water, chicken schmaltz, and sour cream…just like his immigrant mama used to make for him during his hippie days. He called it misiu pysiu sok, or teddy bear juice.
After Sanders’ workout, he was checked for concussion, which doctors cleared him of, but upgraded his dementia level to a #4. Later at Gussies Deli in western D.C. Sanders carb loaded on latkes and chicken soup with extra noodles. Sanders argued with wait staff at the deli over exactly how to split his 8% tip 3 ways, which settled his staff’s concerns that he may not be acting normally.
Pay Per View producers are actively pursuing Sanders and Trump to televise this extraordinary event, and promised Trump that all of his share of the proceeds will benefit families who have been affected by undocumented migrant crime. Sanders’ proceeds will go toward replacing the window treatments in his newest beach front home with something easier to figure out than the current venetian blinds.
Las Vegas odds makers have opened their books on the event at even money that Trump will win; 3 to 1 for Sanders to win, and 5 to 2 that Bernie will take a payoff from the DNC to bow out of the event because it just isn’t his turn to take on the President.